Saturday, November 12, 2011

Gossip » The 'Twilight' Inspired Pros and Cons of Being a Vampire or a Werewolf

The 'Twilight' Inspired Pros and Cons of Being a Vampire or a Werewolf
(Photos by Getty Images)

As someone who hasn't read single page from the Stephenie Meyer's massively popular Twilight series and who was once asked to leave the room during a friendly New Moon screening for laughing too much, I admit, I'm not the foremost authority on the franchise. But Meyer did nail something my boyhood self can get behind--monsters. She picked the heavy-hitters too; choosing between Team Edward and Team Jacob would have been a lot easier if one of them was just a gauze-obsessed mummy or bolt-necked science project, and there's nothing sexy about Bigfoot or Swamp Thing or the Blob.

But before you hardcore Twilight fans start picking sides based on who has the more washboard-like abs or who can pout out a better "blue steel, let's consider what it really means to be one of these supernatural beings. Using both the modern and classic definitions of werewolves and vampires, it's time to find out what storied monster suits you best by taking a look at the pros and cons of each.

Who Wants to Live Forever?
Vampire: There are a few questions you have to ask yourself before you start begging RPattz to chow down on your neck amidst "one of us, one of us" chants from the vampire peanut gallery, namely: Is living forever a good thing or an unending curse? It's a question that's plagued vampires through the ages and often follows the trajectory of "sounds great at first, but after a few centuries, I'm over it." On the one hand, you have the time to do everything you could ever want, on the other, you watch everyone around you age and die, and there's got to be a redundancy to life after awhile. Also, let's take a moment to dispel the idea that immortality means traveling the globe carefree. If you're not crazy rich, you still have to earn a living, an eternal living. The idea of working forever is the worst, especially in this market.

Werewolf: Twilight has taken some serious liberties with the traditional werewolf concept. Monster lore says that werewolves are human, and as such, age accordingly, dying after a natural life cycle. I'm told this holds true for the Children of the Moon in Twilight (aka "true werewolves"). For the Jacob-style shape-shifters, there's more control involved--you don't age if you keep scheduling regular wolf transitions, which sounds like a better deal than those vampire chumps. would get old. Can a vampire get a cheeseburger or what? Diet
: Who loves food? Everyone, that's who. Which makes being a vampire a major bummer. No five star restaurants or late night Jack in the Box runs, you're stuck with an eternity of blood. Gross.

Werewolf: Unlike their monster rivals, werewolves can enjoy whatever culinary delights they choose. The downside here is that as a wolf, those delights often times consist of raw meat. Also gross.

Social Life mysterious... Vampire: The good thing about being a vampire is that you're immeasurably attractive to the opposite sex. High school would have been a much easier place if we had all been as mysteriously cool and charming as good ol' Ed Cullen. Don't we all want to be described as "impossibly beautiful?" And living through all those centuries would make you the most intelligent and compelling person at the party. Unfortunately, you'd also have to fight off your desire to sink your teeth into every person there. Also, unless you want to be Mr. Sparkle a la Twilight or self-combust like Dracula, you are forced to be a night person, which means no pool parties, tropical vacations, or beach outings; which would be a total drag. It's not always this easy. Werewolf: Being a werewolf seems analogous to being a bit of a jock in that you're more of a beefcake with anger management issues. If you want to be ripped and stand seven feet tall, werewolf is your thing. Werewolves have to be okay with dressing worse than everyone else though, every lupine transformation means a new outfit, so don't put to much stock in fashion. As a werewolf you might end up with a reputation as someone who runs away from confrontation, because if you don't, you'll end up tearing people apart, quite literally. Also, social events on full moon nights are a no no for the same reason.

Supernatural Abilities
Vampire: The best part about being a monster is the extraordinary powers that come with it. A quick rundown of what you get as a Vampire: superhuman strength, speed, endurance, and agility; ability to heal quickly like Wolverine; heightened senses; and finally, if you're a vampire of the classic variety, you can turn into a bat and fly all over the place. Score.

Werewolf: Much like vampires, werewolves experience superhuman strength and speed, fast healing ability, heightened senses, and telepathic communication with other werewolves. According to Twlight, werewolves also run hotter then humans, which explains why they can go shirtless in the middle of winter.

So, what's it for you?